Musings Lite No. 29

When I am responding to a ‘request to leave a message’ on a phone, I talk like I am talking to the voice-to-text feature on my cell phone. I wonder how many people think I am batty for always saying period after each recorded sentence.

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Whiteboards in schools? How quickly they forget blackboards, real chalk and erasers that had to be taken outside and pounded together to get rid of the chalk dust. And who can forget those evil students who took joy in running their fingernails over the blackboard?

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Being near bald, I always have suspected that any male over age 60 with a full head of hair must be an alien in disguise.

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One place where you can tell that someone is texting and driving is at a stop light. They typically are so engrossed in the texting that they forget to notice the light has changed. When the horn of the car behind them blares they race away from the intersection.

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Being a senior doesn’t cost quite as much it does for those young. Seniors only need to buy one book and start reading. By the time we get to the end, we’ve forgotten how the butler was first hired and who he killed.

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If you watch Jeopardy then you know each contestant has a push button device which they use as soon as they think they know the question to the answer. What is amazing is how many contestants rapidly push the button again and again even when another contestant is selected. That is akin to frantically pushing a button for the elevator again and again thinking that will help having the elevator arrive sooner.

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I am ashamed to admit how many decades I have been playing golf and never have gotten better. If I don’t improve in the next two or three decades, I’m going to give up the game.

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Crowd noise is an integral part of football and basketball. Unfortunately, viewing either of these sports on TV comes with a price – it’s the forever talking, over-the-top announcers’ voices.

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I’m tired of seeing all those TV ads that show an ever-smiling guy around my age in fantastic shape sitting on a private beach with his similarly-perfect wife enjoying a perfect sundown.   He can thank his ancestors for his physical condition; those great genes formed when his ancestors started living in a cave. The rest of us try to stay healthy by eating the right foods and taking our pills, but sadly we still have our health problems.

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A man was entirely inebriated that cold winter night when he walked out doors in his pajamas not thinking about the weather. After a short time the cold set in and he died. When the medical examiner checked him the next morning he noticed that the body still was supple. He concluded that the weather would have had to be 40 below zero before the drunk’s body would stiffen.

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The year 1990 doesn’t seem that long ago until I realize those who graduated in that year are going to their 25th reunion.

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The pitch of a slippery salesman: It’s a generator for those times when the power goes out. No gas is needed. It runs on electricity. Just plug it in to the house outlet and away you go!

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You never realize just how much technology has taken over your life until you check your smart phone for Facebook updates, emails and messages before you have breakfast.

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I once played a round of golf using two balls to see whether I would win with the first or second ball; I lost.

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‘’You’ve seen it; you may have done it. A car pulls into the local grocery store and slowly drives down one parking lane up another. The search is on – on to find a parking space, the closer to the store’s front door the better. Then good luck strikes. Not only is there an empty place close by, there’s also some people getting into a car to leave – and that place is even closer. So the arriving shopper waits, and waits and waits till finally the closest space is vacated and the waiting driver can claim his/her spot.

The funny part about it is that the second driver who took the first slot didn’t mind; it was only three parking spots back. After all, that meant it was only about 30 ft. further from the store’s front door.

And therein is another reason that Americans as a whole are fat.

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It’s not that I walk a bit stooped; it’s just that my head wants to get there before my body.

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I was lying on the sofa. My smartphone was on my chest as I played with my tablet. Where did I go wrong? When did I ever make that wrong turn and end up addicted to the internet and technology. Would Dad, who died 40 years ago, even understand?

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I checked Facebook. There are 113 other people with the same first and last name like mine. I wonder if I can sue them for name infringement.

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Blondes may have their moments but seniors have their year.

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I saw a picture in the local newspaper showing Serena Williams jumping for joy immediately after winning a tennis match. Her picture shows both feet off the ground with her legs bent. If I had my knees bent like that it would only be because I was on the floor, and then I’m not sure I could get back up.

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Trying to explain to someone young what it means and how it feels to be old is like trying to explain nuclear physics to a three year old.

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The two fronds near to each other on the palm tree were dancing together in the wind. It was better than “Dancing with the Stars.”

P.S. Oct. 8, 2015 – Walt made an appearance in the Gasoline Alley comic strip. He is over 100 years old.

Copyright © 2015

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