Musings-Lite No. 27

Maybe it’s just that I am lazy and don’t want to expound on the topics below, but then they make nice Musings-Lite entries.

You waited more than a year for it. That special group get-together, that reunion, that large family gathering. It is picture time. The group assembles – kneeling, sitting and standing (with you in the back row). A professional takes the pictures and the group in chorus shouts, “Yea!” This moment will last forever in your memory, in your digital library, on your Facebook page.

The following week you get photos of that great assemblage. As we all do, you first look to see how you look in the picture. Oh, oh. All you can make of yourself is the top of your head or maybe that partial face or just your hand on the shoulder of the person almost directly in front of you. So much for capturing history.

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Do you ever forget which side of the wall the light switch is on, or forget which side of the door way the light switch is on? If so, join the club.

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Old books are called classics. They may have been popular in their day, and that day was decades or centuries ago. I’m going to reissue my old musings so they can be known as classics as well. You say they don’t deserve a classic label? Damn!

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I’m in golf swing teaching videos. I’m the before guy.

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I must be the slowest reader in the USA. Whenever I’m watching a football game and they put up some stat or fact, or weather central puts up a scrolling notice that a tornado has been observed someplace, I never have enough time to read all of it. Invariably it’s gone before I’m through reading. The same thing happens when I’m watching ESPN and they have that scroll going at the bottom of the screen. It always scrolls by before I can finish reading each item. Or maybe the Golf Channel leaderboard report scrolling by at the bottom of the screen. Someone needs to put a few speed bumps in them .

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If you watch Jeopardy then you know of Johnny, the unseen announcer. He announces how much the winning contestants earned. He is so good he can make three hundred dollars sound like $3,000.

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It seems strange but almost to a fault the best arrangement of a song is the first one, the popular one. Except for a very few songs, it seems like the first arrangement perfectly fits the song.

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What people need to remember with seniors is the last thought in, first action out. As for that first thought? We’ll never know what it was.

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Why is it those announcers on the field, on the court or on a golf course seem to invariably take more time to ask their question than the time they allow for an answer. Could it be that they do that to get more on air time hoping to be promoted or they just like the sound of their voice or they think they are smarter than the interviewee?

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Do you have one song you enjoy well enough that you can listen to it several times in succession? If I had to pick one it would be “Rhapsody in Blue” by George Gershwin. And yours?

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There often are, as Paul Simon sings, allegations and accusations. There often are truths, kind’a truths, half-truths, white lies and lies that send you to hell. And somewhere in all that is the truth. Sometimes the truth is so small in and among the lies that you can’t find it.

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If you feel like you are bombarded with suggestions, and suggestions of suggestions, then you have my sympathy. It has to be hell going through life being thought of as someone who can’t correctly decide a thing for themselves. And as for you “suggestors” – take it easy. Usually the path or action one decides to take is best for them. Touching a hot iron or failing to see an oncoming truck do deserve a suggestion or least a recommendation, however.

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“I sop up your love like bread sops up gravy.” That’s West Virginia mountaineer love talk.

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I may be wrong and you can tell me if I am. You are angry at a store or company and you call them. You are wise enough, however, to know that getting mad won’t help things so you plan to sweet talk them. You dial, and someone answers and you start. What you may not realize is that your countenance takes on a smiling, friendly look. You simply can’t talk sweet if you face doesn’t match your voice.

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The greatest greeting you can get when you arrive home is a dog’s greeting. Cats, on the other hand, look at you with disgust and distain, and seem to be saying, “Oh, it’s you.”

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Among the various things you might thank the Lord for, one of the greatest is that human beings don’t have to think out loud. Rather we can think anything we want without anyone else knowing.

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Everyone who give me a free phone number (e.g., 1-800) always prefaces it with that number one. I haven’t used the “1-“ in many, many years.

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Just remember, in this physical world we live in, nothing can fall and break if it is already on the floor.

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I was driving along the main avenue when a Yellow Cab pulled in front of me. There is nothing special about a Yellow Cab; they seem to be in all cities of a reasonable size. The thing is that that particular Yellow Cab was not a Ford Crown Victoria which seemed to be the mainstay vehicles of cabs and police cruisers for eons. The cab in front of me was a Toyota Scion, Model xB. It looked like it would fit into the trunk of a Crown Victoria.

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Life’s frustrations at the supermarket:

   ** Looking at an item in the store with an interest to buy it but there is no price tag and there is no one nearby to help you.

   ** Heading to an empty checkout station at the grocery market only to having someone with a full cart beat you by 0.3 seconds.

*** Planning to buy an item on a special reduced price only to find they are all out and the best you can do is a rain check, meaning you will have to return to buy it. The major frustration is when you return and they still don’t have the item on the shelf.

 

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