The following is a true story.

 

About three decades ago, I separated from my then wife.  While I suspect we both knew things weren't going well for us, I was the one to suggest the separation - the first step towards a divorce.  After a month or so, I had a call from my wife suggesting we try to work things out.  That seemed reasonable to me since I wasn't proud of the fact that my marriage seemed to be headed towards dissolution.  We agreed to meet for dinner at a pleasant restaurant in downtown Washington, DC.

 

At 7 PM on the appointed day, she and I met at the restaurant.  It was a weekend night; the place was crowded and service was extremely slow.  The seating arrangements in the area where we were led consisted of a long, cushioned bench along the wall with a series of small tables placed about 2 feet apart, and a chair at the other side of each table.  While I can't recall who was seated to my left, a couple was seated at the table next to ours on my right. 

 

Anyway, my wife and I tried to exchange some casual conversation while waiting to be served.  Unfortunately, we really didn't have much to say to each other, especially in such a crowded and noisy restaurant at that one.   Consequently our small talk became not only small but infrequent as well.  That wasn't true of the couple next to us, however.  I recall his name was Harry; I don't remember hers.  Being just two feet away, it was hard for either my wife or me to not overhear what was being said by Harry and his companion, his wife, especially since we had little to say to each other.

 

It quickly became clear that Harry and his wife were separated as well, and the purpose of their dining together was not to try to reconcile but rather to divide their possessions.  You could sense the tension and bitterness between them.  As my wife and I worked though a slowly served dinner, this is the gist of what we overheard.

 

Harry:  "Well, have you made up your mind what you want?"

 

Her:  "Yes. I don't want to move so I want the house."

 

Harry:  "Ok, but I'm going to want some furniture for my new place."

 

Her:  "Ok but that depends on what you want."

 

Harry:  "I'll let you know.  And I want to keep the Buick.  You can keep the car you have."

 

Her:  "That's fine, but I also want..."

 

And so the conversation went as they divided things, moving from the large and expensive to the small and trivial.  It was also clear that the conversation was taking its toll on both of them as their voices began to rise and the tone became harsher.  My wife and I sat there, silent, trying to eat yet hearing every word.  Finally, they reached the following exchange in their negotiations, having divided all the major items, including house, cars, bank accounts, furniture and the like.

 

Her:  "And I want the portable typewriter."

 

Harry:  "No way!  That was my typewriter in college and I want it."

 

Her"  "Harry, you haven't used that typewriter in years and I use it all the time - I want it!"

 

Harry:  "I said no - it's always been mine and I want it."

 

At this point, things exploded.

 

Her:  "The hell with you, Harry.  Keep the damned typewriter, keep the house, keep the furniture - here, keep the credit card (card slammed down on the table), keep the car (Buick keys slammed down) - keep it all you rotten bastard!"

 

At that point she stormed out the front door. Harry sat there embarrassed, knowing others - including my wife and me - had seen and heard what transpired.  The waiter also had witnessed what happened and quickly brought Harry the bill.  Harry gave the waiter his credit card to pay the tab.  With a few moments the waiter returned to tell Harry his credit card was rejected.  After a moment's hesitation, Harry reached down and gave the waiter the card his wife had just slammed down.  The waiter took it, looked at it and told Harry the card was expired.  Harry exploded as he said, "The bitch gave me her expired card and kept the good one!  Just a minute."  At that, he rushed out the door and shortly returned with another card, paid his bill and left.

 

Needless to say, my wife and I did divorce.